Marriage

I must confess that when the topic of gay marriage first came up, I was reluctant to accept the idea.  My own marriage (straight, traditional, one man and one woman) has lasted over thirty years.  It has almost been heaven meaning that even though we do have our little fights once in awhile, we are still in love, faithful to one another, and are totally the best friends we have in the world.  We complete each others’ thoughts, give each other space, and are there for each other in total companionship and support.

I debated this issue both in my mind and with close friends.  How would gay marriage affect my concept of traditional marriage?   How would marriage change if gay marriage were allowed?  What could be the harm in gay marriage?

My mind was already open to the gay lifestyle.  Beginning in high school I have had many gay friends in my life both men and women.  I love them, I think they’re fun to be around, they have their own set of problems just like everyone else, and they have additional problems because they are gay trying to fit into a mostly straight world.

Descrimination abounds.  They are teased from the very beginnings of their lives because they dress or act different.  They are chosen last for games.  No one wants to sit next to them.  They are beaten up.  They have a lot of sadness that they mask with an incredible sense of humor.

They want what everyone wants.  They want good jobs and an education.  They want companionship.  They want love.  They want a family.  They want children.   They want marriage.

I worked in a town that was very gay friendly and had a large population of gays  (maybe 30-40%).  I taught school and came into contact with parents who were gay.   I met students who I thought were gay, but was unable to say anything to them about it.  I tried to teach tolerance to a town that also had a conservative base of loggers and the like.  It was a challenge to say the least.  How do you counsel a teenager who isn’t sure?

We also had many gay neighbors.   I was raised in show business and my family always had gay friends, so it seemed normal to me that some people are just gay.   Later when I owned and managed a restaurant I was host to many parties and events that were gay themed.  We had Bear Week and Women’s Weekend, Leather Weekend, etc.  At times the whole town was teeming with gays and I have to say that I loved it!  But gay marriage?  Well, I just hadn’t thought about it.

The thing that really changed me was when we hosted a party for gay couples who had children.  These were parents exchanging stories about how they got their children, how they were coping with the legal issues, and the straight societal norms.  I was so impressed.  It melted my heart to hear how badly they wanted to be parents, the elaborate procedures they went through to become parents, and finally the joy they all had being parents.  Some had managed to adopt children.  Often these were kids  were unadoptable because they had health problems or were of mixed racial parentage.  These parents didn’t care.  They had love to give a child.  Some couples traded sperm for incubation rights.  A gay couple would trade sperm in exchange for a lesbian couple’s  eggs or surrogacy.  However they worked it out, these were caring loving couples raising happy priviledged children.  Priviledged because they were wanted.

The final argument that won me over to being an advocate for gay marriage was the issue of health care and legal rights.  If one of the partners becomes ill or dies in the relationship, who receives the benefits remaining?  Who inherits the house?  Who maintains custody of the minor children?  Who is there at the death bed conferring with doctors about medical care?  Who decides what becomes of the body or the funeral arrangements in case of death?

I heard so many horror stories of couples who couldn’t get stitches for Johnny because Mommy #1 was unavailable to sign the paperwork,  Or Daddy #2 can’t be at the bedside of Daddy #1 because angry grandparents are interfering.  How would I feel if this was happening to me or my husband?   After thirty years of marriage I want my sweet husband to look me in the eyes as I travel to the next plane holding my hand and getting the benefit of my pension and the home we built together.  I want my children to know that my husband will be there for them as I go.  I am for gay marriage.